12am and I feel terrible.
Been into books and TV series to just escape from my overly war-zoned mind the past months. But tonight I can't help but to think of the things that are containing me. Second Semester started with a little bit of heartache because I am an irregular student. Well I am writing this because just like what I wrote above, I feel intensely terrible. Here comes my monotonous life again. Everyday seemed like a routine being repeated again and again and I am struggling with the fact that I don't even understand the things I do. Three words: I am not happy.
People see me around as a happy/jolly/cheerful person but that's not the real part of my whole present self. That's what I choose to show them. Deep inside, there's a really really tight grip that has been holding on and shattering my heart right now. I really can't contain it anymore.
Yes, there are people who try to mend this brokenness but it doesn't seem to be helping. It's not that I don't appreciate their efforts but I think there is just too much selfishness in their part. What I need right now is a listener. Just a listener. Not the person who would try to make me smile with his/her well written verses. Not the person who buys material things to make me happy. Not the person who would promise everything. Not the person who makes himself/herself impressive. I just need a listener. Someone who would listen to the haunting stories of my past, my daily rants and my annoying expressions, someone who would share the same grief I have, and most especially someone who would give me a good heart without asking or expecting something in return. I think I need that someone.
So yeah, I'm done. Time check- 1:30am. Great. Good night.
